How Do I Fire My Son Toby? My Wife Won't Allow It

"I love Toby. He's my oldest son, he's ViceWater".Personally, I believe the last thing you
President of Sales but he just doesn't get it. Myshould want to do is sacrifice family for the
daughter should be running this business as Ibusiness. If you actually get to that point in the
transition into retirement, she's brilliant but she'sprocess ----- Don't sacrifice your family life, your
married to a surgeon and doesn't want anythingrelationship with your children or the relationship
to do with wholesale distribution. She's quite happybetween brothers and sisters.
with all the charity work she is involved in. MySell the business. I repeat --- If it comes to that
youngest son has potential but he's only twenty- Sell the Business.Put Business Needs Ahead of
two and just isn't ready to take over a $200Personal NeedsThis sounds contradictory to my
million dollar distribution business. Two events haveprevious statements doesn't it? Well, I am not
occurred recently that are wearing on me a little.recanting. I am assuming that the situation has not
First, I transferred 75% of my stock equally todeteriorated to the point of family destruction.
my three kids, 25% each. All three receive aOften times there are situations where a family
salary although my daughter rarely appears at themember is relieved to not have to work in the
office due to her charity work. The second eventfamily business. Johnny is there because he
occurred after I hired a succession consultant todoesn't want to disappoint Dad. Johnny feels he is
help me transition into retirement. He told me thatsupposed to act like an incumbent president
Toby was incompetent, destructive to thebecause the family expects it but he would rather
business and I should fire him." Excerpts form abe a missionary in Africa or build his own auto
real world conversation disguised to protectparts dealership or pursue some other passion
confidentiality.Does this conversation soundthey have.Remember, firing a family member
familiar? Maybe it's not about your son or yourdoesn't necessarily mean cutting them off
daughter. Maybe it's about Aunt Lilly or Unclefinancially without some form of remuneration.
Chester. The point is if you own a family runEvery thing is negotiable. This is especially true if
business with multiple family members working inthey own stock even if there is no legal buy out
the business, chances are you have or will faceobligation. The last thing you want is an angry
the dilemma of what to do when a familyex-employee that is a family member and a
member just does meet satisfactorystockholder. They most likely will know about all
performance standards.The key word here isthe skeletons in the closet, the aggressive tax
family and the closer the family member is toposition the company has taken and many other
you the owner, the more difficult the decision andissues that the company may not want to go
action becomes. If the non performing partypublic. So, although the family member may not
happens to be your son or daughter it is evenhave a legal position to force a minority stock
more difficult, after all you have your home life tobuy-out, it may be in your best interest to
consider and that son or daughter has anegotiate some form of buy-out that is fair to
relationship with their mother who happens to bethe family member.
your wife. Don't kid yourself about your level ofConsult your attorney, but remember, this is still
control at home being equal to your level ofa family issue.Don't ApologizeIf you can turn this
control at the office.You Will Ride the Rollerfamily/business problem in to a win-win situation,
CoasterTerminating a family member will likely bethere is no need to apologize. Don't backpedal and
the most difficult decision you will ever have todon't be afraid to confront other family members
make as a CEO. There will be ups and downs inthat may not be supportive of the process.This is
the process. However, before you come to thea business and once you have determined that
conclusion that you are actually going to handthis situation will not destroy the family you must
Aunt Lilly or your son a pink slip, you must betreat it in a professional business manner.
sure that you have exhausted every possibleRemember, if it is going to destroy the family ---
option and scenario imaginable to solve theSell the Business.All This Can Be Avoided ----
problem short of termination. Your closeness toRight!!!As a family business consultant in wholesale
the family member is the major determinant todistribution, it would be easy to preach to you
the amount of patience and effort you put intoabout how to avoid this situation in the first place.
the process. And of course, the amount and typeYou can read all the articles, the advice, research
of destructive behavior is also paramount to theon the internet and the books that give advice on
decision you make. It is possible that this familyfamily management offering solutions like the
member can be placed in a position that is notfollowing;- Establish specific job descriptions for
detrimental to the company and does providefamily members- Establish expectations up front-
value. This can be a drawn out process thatCreate advancement criteria up front- Establish
starts with frank, open & honest communicationofficial family compensation programs paying
with the family member. It will most likely requirefamily members based on the position- Establish
some form of counseling to be effective andaccountability and structure up front- Create a
may require a separate family discussionBoard of directors that is not family dominated-
dependent upon circumstances.If you enlisted theDefine a philosophy and stick to it- Make no
aid of a consultant, remember that as an outsiderexceptions for family regarding performance- Set
it is very easy for them to see a clear picture ofspecific education requirements- Annual training,
the business side of the situation due to not beingcoaching and mentoring requirementsAnd Wolves
involved in the actual culture of the business.still Roam the Streets of Chicago. Yes, these are
However, it is likely that they can't come close toall good ideas but give me a break. This is not
feeling or understanding the emotions that you willreality when we are talking about your sons and
experience during this process unless theyyour daughters, your wife's brother or sister,
themselves have gone through it in a familyyour brother's son or daughter or even Uncle
business they owned. I say that because havingJoe.In the end ---- immediate family does come
fired my own wife, brother-in-law and nephewfirst. If you find yourself in a difficult situation,
from my own family business exposed me to thetake a step back. Evaluate your circumstance
turmoil, the pain, the frustration, the guilt and theform both the business side and the family side.
personal second guessing that you too mayThere is no easy answer but nothing is impossible.
experience as you go through the process.AcceptKeep the faith. E-mail for template tools like the
Your CircumstanceIf you have exhausted everyfamily doctrine, the family management
effort to salvage the situation and feel you havepartnership agreement or the family code of
no other alternative, understand going in that it isconduct that may help you resolve some of your
going to be extremely difficult to terminate ainternal family issues. Dr. Rick Johnson () is the
family employee in the same effective mannerfounder of CEO Strategist LLC. an experienced
that you would terminate a non family regularbased firm specializing in leadership and the
employee. Complications are even greater if thatcreation of competitive advantage in wholesale
family member is a stockholder regardless of thedistribution. CEO Strategist LLC. works in an
type of legal agreements your lawyer may haveadvisory capacity with distributor executives in
drawn up. The first thing a family member will doboard representation, executive coaching, team
when facing termination is to seek the support ofcoaching and education and training to make the
other family members. If it is your son orchanges necessary to create or maintain
daughter this could actually create a seriouscompetitive advantage. You can contact them by
challenge at home. It is no secret that one of thecalling 352-750-0868, or visit for more information.
primary reasons an entrepreneur starts aCEO Strategist - experts in Strategic Leadership
business in the first place is to provide income andin Wholesale Distribution.
security for his family. "Blood Is Thicker Than