Talking to Your Kids About Drugs: Why and How to Get the Dialogue Going

When you are a parent, there are many things tomay happen if they fall under the spell of drugs
worry about. Keeping your kids safe is at the topand alcohol and stresses the importance of
of the list. First, you worry about the pacifier yourspeaking up before it's too late. "As a police
infant dropped on the floor-so you pick it up andofficer I have spoken to teenagers about these
wash it with soap and water. Next, your toddlerissues upon parents' request," he says. "And on
isn't eating enough vegetables, so you do yourcertain occasions, years down the road, I'll see
best to hide some veggies in his meat loaf. Then,the parents and they will thank me for turning the
you bite your nails as your second grader scaleskid around." Quinones has seen the consequences
the tallest tree in the yard. You want to run andwhen the child doesn't listen: they land out in the
catch him when he starts to slip, but you seesystem for some drug related crime.
that he's beaming with excitement, so you stayExpert Advice
watchful and quiet-careful not to spoil his fun.So how do you get a child to listen? What do you
As the kids grow older, the dangers they aresay? When should you say it? I asked Dr. Susan
faced with become more intense. One dangerBartell, psychologist and author in Port Washington
heavy on the minds of parents these days isspecializing in tween and teens, to shed some light
substance abuse. And for good reason. With theon this important issue.
popularity of "designer" drugs on the rise, and allQ: What age do you recommend bringing up the
the peer pressure kids are faced with, theissue?
worries parents encounter are mounting.A: You can start talking to kids about drugs
The Usual and Unusual Suspectsbeginning at six or seven--by talking about
Sure, it's the usual suspects; experimenting withsmoking cigarettes because that is something
marijuana and alcohol that begin a pattern ofthey see in their world and can understand that it
self-destruction, but be aware, there are newis "bad".
drugs on the block, and they can be found in yourAs they get older (about ten) they can begin to
medicine chest. According the Partnership for aunderstand the issue of other drugs. Middle school
Drug-Free America, the menu of drugs kids andkids are ready for direct conversations, naming
teens are using is changing. They report 1 in 5drugs (marijuana in particular) and explaining that
teens has tried Vicodin (a narcotic pain reliever) tothey are illegal and dangerous.
get high, and 1 in 11 has admitted to getting highQ: Can you give me some tips about how to
on cough medicine.make the "talk" go smooth?
They also report a number of teens now "party"A: With middle schoolers, look for a "teachable
with other prescription and over-the-countermoment"...a TV anti-drug ad, a TV show when
drugs. Along with the other illicit drugs out therekids are drinking, smoking, using drugs and ask
that pose a dangerous risk to our kids, it's difficultthem what they think about it; then give your
not to be alarmed. The Partnership for afeelings in a low-keyed way, explaining that it is
Drug-Free America ( is arming parents withsomething you feel strongly about.
need-to-know information about the risks ofAs kids get older--young high schoolers, the
dangerous substances.conversations need to begin to revolve around
A local program reaching outtheir social life: what would they do at a party if
On the local front, there are programs that arethere was alcohol/drugs there. Help them come
taking action. Program coordinator for the Studentup with ways of handling it that aren't judgmental
Athlete Leadership Team (SALT), Paul Grafer,or critical.
stresses the need for a proactive, honest dialogueQ: What's the biggest mistake parents make
between parents and their children aboutdealing with drug issues and their children?
substance abuse. He oversees programsA: They are too preachy, too critical of kids and
emphasizing leadership and character for youngdon't give enough problem solving strategies. They
people in 40 districts in the New York Metropolitanalso don't listen for their kids' concerns about how
area.to handle peer pressure, or curiosity about drugs.
SALT trains thousands of high school athletes toQ: How can parents be proactive about deterring
serve as role models and mentors in their schooltheir children from taking drugs?
districts to 5th graders. If you think 5th grade isA: First, being clear that you disapprove, next,
too young to begin a dialogue about drugs-thinkmaking sure that you drive your child to and from
again. National statistics show that the averageparties or get-togethers--they'll be much less likely
age for experimentation with drugs and alcohol isto use if they know you're picking them up. Don't
11 years old.let them get rides from other kids.
How does this program help? The SALT ProgramQ: Is there anything else parents need to know?
promotes healthy, positive behaviors andA: Conversations about drugs must include
decisions. Included in this philosophy is aalcohol--which is also a drug and is actually usually
commitment to life long activeness and playingthe "Gateway" drug to others. Parents often feel
sports for enjoyment, health benefits, and tothat alcohol is okay, when in reality their kids can
obtain life-skills; and, remaining substance abusebecome alcoholics without them realizing it.
free by developing proactive, real-life refusal skillsIn addition, parents need to look for signs of
and strategies to navigate a culture of underagechronic drug and alcohol use like: grades dropping,
drug abusers (alcohol, tobacco, and steroids). Thesocial isolation, secretive phone conversations,
SALT Program is offered at Adelphi University innew friends that they don't let you meet;
Garden City. For more information visitdropping old friends; sleeping a lot, changes in
On Long Islandpersonality; sudden depression; sudden mood
The grips of drugs are known to be prevalent onswings.
big city streets, but they are a problem here onWhen it comes to raising kids today, it really does
Long Island. Suffolk County Police Officer Daryltake a village. Keeping your child out of harm's
Quinones explains, his experiences have given himway is no easy task, but experts agree that
great insight and compassion to those who arestaying involved in you're your child's life-- is a
drug addicted and the knowledge that evengreat start. When they're young and scaling that
experimenting with the "softer" drugs can easilytall tree, you stand back and let them giggle their
lead a kid down a path of self-destruction andway down, but when it comes to drugs, parents
crime.cant afford to be silent. There's too much at
He suggests that parents must be truthful, andstake.
"lay it all out there' for kids to understand what