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Talking to Your Kids About Drugs: Why and How to Get the Dialogue Going

When you are a parent, there are many thingslate. "As a police officer I have spoken to
to worry about. Keeping your kids safe is atteenagers about these issues upon parents'
the top of the list. First, you worry aboutrequest," he says. "And on certain occasions,
the pacifier your infant dropped on theyears down the road, I'll see the parents and
floor-so you pick it up and wash it with soapthey will thank me for turning the kid
and water. Next, your toddler isn't eatingaround." Quinones has seen the consequences
enough vegetables, so you do your best towhen the child doesn't listen: they land out
hide some veggies in his meat loaf. Then, youin  the  system  for some drug related crime.
bite your nails as your second grader scales
the tallest tree in the yard. You want to runExpert  Advice
and catch him when he starts to slip, but you
see that he's beaming with excitement, so youSo how do you get a child to listen? What do
stay watchful and quiet-careful not to spoilyou say? When should you say it? I asked Dr.
his  fun.Susan Bartell, psychologist and author in
Port Washington specializing in tween and
As the kids grow older, the dangers they areteens, to shed some light on this important
faced with become more intense. One dangerissue.
heavy on the minds of parents these days is
substance abuse. And for good reason. WithQ: What age do you recommend bringing up the
the popularity of "designer" drugs on theissue?
rise, and all the peer pressure kids are
faced with, the worries parents encounter areA: You can start talking to kids about drugs
mounting.beginning at six or seven--by talking about
smoking cigarettes because that is something
The  Usual  and  Unusual  Suspectsthey see in their world and can understand
that  it  is  "bad".
Sure, it's the usual suspects; experimenting
with marijuana and alcohol that begin aAs they get older (about ten) they can begin
pattern of self-destruction, but be aware,to understand the issue of other drugs.
there are new drugs on the block, and theyMiddle school kids are ready for direct
can be found in your medicine chest.conversations, naming drugs (marijuana in
According the Partnership for a Drug-Freeparticular) and explaining that they are
America, the menu of drugs kids and teens areillegal  and  dangerous.
using is changing. They report 1 in 5 teens
has tried Vicodin (a narcotic pain reliever)Q: Can you give me some tips about how to
to get high, and 1 in 11 has admitted tomake  the  "talk"  go  smooth?
getting  high  on  cough  medicine.
A: With middle schoolers, look for a
They also report a number of teens now"teachable moment"...a TV anti-drug ad, a TV
"party" with other prescription andshow when kids are drinking, smoking, using
over-the-counter drugs. Along with the otherdrugs and ask them what they think about it;
illicit drugs out there that pose a dangerousthen give your feelings in a low-keyed way,
risk to our kids, it's difficult not to beexplaining that it is something you feel
alarmed. The Partnership for a Drug-Freestrongly  about.
America ( is arming parents with need-to-know
information about the risks of dangerousAs kids get older--young high schoolers, the
substances.conversations need to begin to revolve around
their social life: what would they do at a
A  local  program  reaching  outparty if there was alcohol/drugs there. Help
them come up with ways of handling it that
On the local front, there are programs thataren't  judgmental  or  critical.
are taking action. Program coordinator for
the Student Athlete Leadership Team (SALT),Q: What's the biggest mistake parents make
Paul Grafer, stresses the need for adealing  with drug issues and their children?
proactive, honest dialogue between parents
and their children about substance abuse. HeA: They are too preachy, too critical of kids
oversees programs emphasizing leadership andand don't give enough problem solving
character for young people in 40 districts instrategies. They also don't listen for their
the  New  York  Metropolitan  area.kids' concerns about how to handle peer
pressure,  or  curiosity  about  drugs.
SALT trains thousands of high school athletes
to serve as role models and mentors in theirQ: How can parents be proactive about
school districts to 5th graders. If you thinkdeterring  their  children from taking drugs?
5th grade is too young to begin a dialogue
about drugs-think again. National statisticsA: First, being clear that you disapprove,
show that the average age for experimentationnext, making sure that you drive your child
with  drugs  and  alcohol  is  11  years old.to and from parties or get-togethers--they'll
be much less likely to use if they know
How does this program help? The SALT Programyou're picking them up. Don't let them get
promotes healthy, positive behaviors andrides  from  other  kids.
decisions. Included in this philosophy is a
commitment to life long activeness andQ: Is there anything else parents need to
playing sports for enjoyment, healthknow?
benefits, and to obtain life-skills; and,
remaining substance abuse free by developingA: Conversations about drugs must include
proactive, real-life refusal skills andalcohol--which is also a drug and is actually
strategies to navigate a culture of underageusually the "Gateway" drug to others. Parents
drug abusers (alcohol, tobacco, andoften feel that alcohol is okay, when in
steroids). The SALT Program is offered atreality their kids can become alcoholics
Adelphi University in Garden City. For morewithout  them  realizing  it.
information  visit
In addition, parents need to look for signs
On  Long  Islandof chronic drug and alcohol use like: grades
dropping, social isolation, secretive phone
The grips of drugs are known to be prevalentconversations, new friends that they don't
on big city streets, but they are a problemlet you meet; dropping old friends; sleeping
here on Long Island. Suffolk County Policea lot, changes in personality; sudden
Officer Daryl Quinones explains, hisdepression;  sudden  mood  swings.
experiences have given him great insight and
compassion to those who are drug addicted andWhen it comes to raising kids today, it
the knowledge that even experimenting withreally does take a village. Keeping your
the "softer" drugs can easily lead a kid downchild out of harm's way is no easy task, but
a  path  of  self-destruction  and  crime.experts agree that staying involved in you're
your child's life-- is a great start. When
He suggests that parents must be truthful,they're young and scaling that tall tree, you
and "lay it all out there' for kids tostand back and let them giggle their way
understand what may happen if they fall underdown, but when it comes to drugs, parents
the spell of drugs and alcohol and stressescant afford to be silent. There's too much at
the importance of speaking up before it's toostake.



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